Sunday, October 29, 2006
age is relative





For those of you over a certain age...Enjoy!

For those who are a lot younger....Just read and see what you have to look forward to....lol!


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97....don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.








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32 Comments:
had this to say:

Those were hilarious! Of course now I am feeling really Old!!

Here from Michele's.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 1:50:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

I so agree about the laughing!

And I'm told that you are only as old as the person you feel...

And hello today from Michele's.

rashbre

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 3:18:00 AM PST 

Blogger srp
had this to say:

These are too funny!!!
I resemble some of them.

I haven't had trouble with Blogger today, though I've been out to church and haven't tried to post anything since last night. If I knew more about the technical part of this I would probably try to move to WordPress, but I don't have the expertise and scare very easily.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 9:02:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

I like the inner child playing with matches idea

Here's a story about a 105 year old who got US citizenship:

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/california/la-me-naturalize26oct26,1,6009025.story?coll=la-headlines-pe-california&ctrack=1&cset=true

Michele sent me today.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 9:04:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

I've seen this joke before...
it's a shame that most of it applies! lol lol..

those it doesn't apply to had better get ready lol... eventually, it will! haha

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 9:09:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Hi OOLOTH, how are you, I loved the jokes but I'm sure none apply to you! :-)
Oh by the way popped in from Michele's this time.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 9:39:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Damn. I must be "of a certain age"...
these are as funny as they are true! Now I'm going to set my inner child in the corner!!!

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 9:53:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Oh Lord Naomi, those did make me laugh out loud! What a fun stop over today!

PS- love your Halloween kitty!

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 10:16:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Hahahahahaha Naomi!! Very funny. We might as well laugh about old age!! Laughter is good medicine!!

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 12:15:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

LOL! My inner child has been playing with matches an awful lot lately.

I prefer to think of it as my own personal summer.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 3:54:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

LOL! My inner child has been playing with matches an awful lot lately.

I prefer to think of it as my own personal summer.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 3:54:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Michele sent me over, Naomi. It's been over a week since my last visit. I sound like I'm going to confession! LOL

My parents are always telling me things like your jokes here, Naomi. I've only gotten some of the ravages of age so far, but Winter is coming quickly into my life, no doubt. On one level the jokes you have here are funny--on another level they're chilling and quite appropriate to Halloween. *shiver*

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 4:17:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Oh those were GOOD! I really liked them alot. :)
Thanks for sharing.

KEndra

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 4:35:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Oh, I like the serenity prayer the best!! That's a good one.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 5:23:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Oh those were so funny!!!

Michele sent me :-)

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 6:23:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

No peer pressure... almost not worth going home...Some good ones there! And a sense of humor is good for what ails ya.

Sunday, October 29, 2006 at 8:22:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

So...it's not all bad news then? :0)

Thanks for the laugh... much needed on a monday morning at work!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 1:28:00 AM PST 

Blogger mar
had this to say:

Wonderful! love them all (particularly the one with making the same noises as the coffeemaker, lol). I'm afraid there is a large discrepancy between the way I feel and the person I see in the mirror!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 2:20:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Naomi, thanks so much for your birthday wishes!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 4:29:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

These are a hoot, Naomi! Thanks for sharing them.
Laughter is indeed the best medicine...no matter what the age!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 7:19:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Thanks for a good Monday morning laugh. It helps to laugh at the way my body is falling apart as I get older.

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 9:03:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Very funny and I certainly could relate to some of those!!!!

Hope you are doing exceptionally well my friend!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 9:57:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

hhahahahaha... thanks for making me smile. its nice to start my day like this.

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 10:25:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

That is quite funny! Btw, Happy Halloween Naomi!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 12:36:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Thanks for the laugh. I especially appreciated the one about the inner child playing with matches. That's great!

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 4:54:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Naomi! I'm so upset! Studio 60 isn't on tonight and after doing a little internet research I see that it may be being cancelled. It's the only show I make a point to watch!! What can we do?

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 5:20:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Love ya "YOUNG Lady Of The Hills". I'm just beginning to get to the hot flashes and pre-menopause and "witch hairs" on my chin...etc. of mid 40's.

I CAN'T WAIT to be a REAL OLD LADY. I intend to ROCK ON...:)

Thanks for the laughs.

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 8:45:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

LOL very funny, I just caught up reading your last 4 posts, boy a lot of reading !
Auditions WILL go up later tonight and I did a quick update to let people know I was ok just not all there ;)

Monday, October 30, 2006 at 9:17:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

Very funny, Naomi! Love a good laugh, it's a good thing for our health! Thank you!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 3:32:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

omgosh Naomi, these have me busting up! Sometimes I've thought I should just keep reading the same book, cuz I can never remember which ones I've read anyways. :)
I love the one about the 96 year old woman & the funeral director and that is so true about the driver's license! My mom's friend is blind in 1 eye & they just told him to use the other eye for the test!! He's like 82 years old & has no periphreal vision either!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 5:20:00 AM PST 

had this to say:

Oh, those are good.
I loved the advice on continuing to laugh too.
~S

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 4:03:00 PM PST 

had this to say:

I'm not quite THAT old yet, but I do like the idea of being able to hide my own Easter eggs someday.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 9:56:00 PM PST 

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