Sunday, September 29, 2013
a coda....

This is not a fun post, in fact, it is a very depressing post....so if you are not up to that, please feel free to go elsewhere, right now.....



Here's The Deal.......

I just haven't been able to come on here and write.....I am in such a state of grief....
I want to write more about Kim....but I don't seem to be able to yet.......
Many things going on with my own Health Issues are keeping me down, as well......I don't seem to have the resiliency I once did----
Maybe it's because there have been so very many losses of very special touchstone people who have sustained me and fed my spirit and my soul, through good times and bad, throughout my life......
Maybe it's because I really feel so lousy, physically and emotionally 90% of the time.
Maybe it's because I'm old.

But,
Whatever It Is---- I don't know what I am doing here anymore.
I truly don't.

The life I had for 73+ years---got turned around 180 degrees in 2005.
Everything I was able to do out in the world, just stopped.  
It All Ended.
Health Issues Got In The Way. 
I had to find new ways to survive and yes, even thrive.
Or, at least try to thrive.

Being "confined" meant,
No More Going To The Theatre.
No More Going To The Movies.
No More Dinners Out.
No More Anything, Out In The world.
No Trips to The Super Market.
No Museums.
No Galleries.
No Play Readings.
No Brunches.
No Travel.
No Memorial Celebrations.
No Party's At Someones House.
No Chairing Of Fund Raisers.
No Going To Fund Raiders.

No Anything, Out In The World.

Whatever I created, had to be created here in my home and always with the caveat.....

"If you are sick or have a cold or feel like you are getting sick.....
Don't Come."

People were great about it.
They understood and honored my Health needs.

The Internet and Blogging Saved My Life For These Eight+ Years.
It Truly Did.
You Truly Did.
All Of You Wonderful People Out There All Over The World, 
You Have Saved My Life.

Then......
The other losses began.
The losses of so very many dear dear close ones----
And now, they never stop.
They continue.
And they will continue because..
That Is The Way Of It.

I am tired of the struggle.
I Am Tired of All The Heartbreak.

I Am Just Plain Fucking Tired.

And I don't have the resources I had before.
So many of those resources are gone now.
 And more heartbreak is just waiting in the wings;
Waiting to come on, and then, to 'exit'.......

So
If I cannot write anything here but these truths----hard though they may be to read----
Please Do Forgive Me.

It's either this----OR Nothing.
This is where I am right now,
and I don't like it one bit.

But, it is the truth.
My Truth----
For Right Now.

September 29th, 1963

The Anniversary of the Opening of 
"Spoon River"
on 
Broadway.
50 Years Ago Today!

This Was A Big Deal.
It Really Was!

A Lifetime Ago.

A Dream Come True.


(Was That Just A Dream?
Did It Really Happen?)

It Did Really Happen.

And It Really Was A Lifetime Ago.
And,
One Of The Best And Most Memorable Times In My Life.

And Now.....

Fifty Fucking Years Later......

I Truly Do Not Know What The Hell I Am Doing Here!

All Of Our Little Close Loving Talented

 "Spoon River" 
Family,
 Is Gone.
Everyone, 
Except
Joyce Van Patten
And, 
Me!
(And You Better Not Leave Me Too, Dear Joyce.....
You Really Better Not!
Cause I'll Kill You If You Do!)

I Know That Makes No Sense, 

But,
It's How I Feel.
And Thank God For The Telephone.
She Is 3000 Miles Away,
But,
Just A Moment Away, 
Because Of The Telephone.

See....That Is What Is So Hard About Losing

Long Time Friends And Family.....
You Have Been Through So Much Together......
Shared Everything There Is To Share.....
Laughed And Cried Together,
 And Touched Each Other's Lives In Ways So Deep....
They Cannot Be Replaced Or Repeated.......

So, When They Are Gone.....


That Connection Is Gone.

I Know, I Know, 
The Memories Are Still There.....
But.....
But.....
But.....
They Are Not There Anymore.
And They Cannot Be Replaced.
Or,
Replicated.
You Cannot See Them Anymore.
And,
You Cannot Call Them on The Phone Anymore.

And Let Me Tell You,  It Makes You Feel Absolutely Horrible.


Enough Said.




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Wednesday, September 18, 2013
goodbye, dear dear friend....

There are no words......
Dear Wonderful Kim, died on Monday morning, September 16th, 2013, just four days after her Birthday.....

Another loss that breaks my heart,,,,,,
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a long time will remember her from the many "Ladies Who Lunch".....
But in truth, you never met the real Kim; the Kim who was so full of life......
The light had faded from her eyes......a true reflection of the light that had faded from her life.....

Like a sister to me, my friend, since 1968, 
something died in her when her dear husband Werner died in the year 2000....

No one will ever know how good she was and what a big loving heart she had, or how devoted she was to those she held close, and, how incredibly talented she was, too---an actress of infinite versatility and as beautiful inside as she was outside.

A woman of color who lived through all the hazards of what came with that, back in the day, and still.....

Yet, she survived and she thrived.

She made the BEST of everything she had.....And loved her very special daughter Tanya and Son-in-law Henry with all her Heart.
And she was so very very proud of her four fantastic Grandchildren----Dana, Corey, Aaron and Cohen---each one, so very brilliant and accomplished, and such good people, as well as each one contributing to the betterment of the world by virtue of their very presence, and because of their deep integrity, as people.
They were her pride and joy.

And then there were the three Great Grandchildren....
The Light of her Life!
And a fourth grandchild is due in a few days from now.
And so.....
The Cycle of Life Continues......

Below, just a few pictures of better times.....
I had the privilege of marrying Werner and Kim, after they had been together for twenty years.......and a very sweet wedding it was, too.......
And below.....just one of the many things we shared over the years----this one made more meaningful because our dear friend Betty was in the show.
The Opening Night of "Meet Me In St Louis" on Broadway....
November 2, 1989
.....And later, the Opening Night Party.....
Better times, indeed.......

RIP my dear sweet Kim......



More To Come........






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Sunday, September 15, 2013
friendly wildlife

How would you like to look out your window each morning and be greeted by these beautiful animals.....?
My wonderful old friend Lois Land and her dear husband of 38 years, do exactly that.....!
They live in Northern California---inland, in the Bear Valley foothills of what is known as The Gold Country.
They are about two hours Southeast of Sacramento.....So, they are really out in the country and have lots of four footed visitors.
But it is the Deer that come in droves......
Lois says that sometimes there are twenty-five Deer, all at the same time----well, it certainly looks like almost 25 Deer in the picture above......
Why are they there?
What is it that brings them to Lois and John's house?
a Plum tree.
Yes.
A Plum Tree!
These Deer absolutely adore the plums from their tree......
Well......I guess so!!!!
Here below, some more pictures of these truly beautiful Animals......even the little ones are longing for those delicious plums......
And none of them seem to be afraid, of humans.....They just look over at Lois......almost like they are about to say, 
'Hey, come on and join us!'
'Come On!  
We won't hurt you!
We Love You!!!
And
We
Love
Your
Plums!'
'Okay!
We'll be back tomorrow and 
maybe you will join us for some
Watermelon!'


More To Come.......


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Thursday, September 05, 2013
overwhelmed

A bit overwhelmed right now----too much going on all at the same time.....!
So.....I need something to calm me and bring me a sense of peace and quiet....
..
And I think this will do nicely......!
Ahhhhh......yes, indeedy!
I can really go right into the center of this plant and find exactly what I need.......
I'll be back when things calm down, up here on the hill......!


More To Come......


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Name: OldOldLady Of The Hills
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